September 26th, 2008
Way where the digression makes friends
Way where the digression makes friends
This noon, in conformity with to invite friend, liberate tablet sub island Yang have lunch together, after the Maotai several cup, the topic has been transferred to the way to make friends. There are several boss' friends at the time of warmed with wining, can't help speaking of the experience rising and falling smoothly in oneself life. Though finally no matter they press
In fact, many years before they sent out this to sigh with regret, I once expounded doctrines and experiences with several people of them in way of talking in professional jargon I " distorted" And then piece among the people for antithetical couplet: "Poor nobody asks at the roadside, lamb's good wine, invited less than favourite kiths and kins unexpectedly; There is a distant relative in the remote mountains richly, the porridge of salted vegetables, but set the pack of rogues. "
Touch upon and make friends, to this ancient's early own difference which has the level. The lowest layer person is by eating and drinking and taking individual interests as purpose " The handing in of the vilain " ,The i.e. usually said one " Fair-weather friend " . This kind of " friend " It is in <<ancient and present novel just as Feng MengLong. Abandon security personnel Wu house last friend>> in make appraisal: " a thousand wine meat brothers have, nobody while meeting with misfortune " . The persons who take second place, for the handing in of gentleman based on friendship, such as " tile hillock stockaded village " , " the Water Margin " , " the peach garden forms justice three times " One kind. This kind of friend regards friendship and friendship as the tie in principle, are generally mostly " brigands " , " wandering person " . Extensively suitable for comparatively associating the one on intimate terms between men in social life.
The third level is " The bosom friend " ,Speak until " whether firefly fire compose " like BinWang Luo: " whether loud must answer on and firm on similar from it in, line " . Heres friend the sincere like " The high mountains and great rivers " Friendship of one of the tooth of uncle of China and son Zhong. As to this, <<tabulate the son. Ask soup>> in there is one sections of record as follows: "The musical instrument of kind drum of uncle's tooth, son Zhong makes a success of and hears one. Uncle's tooth drum musical instrument, is determined on the high mountain. Son Zhong calls one: Fine, high and high like Mount Tai! ,The will, in the flowing water, numerous like the rivers! Uncle tooth read, son Zhong one must take their. " Another yes <<Romance of West Chamber. The north hall breaks a promise>> hit and involve too " The bosom friend " Famous poem for piece: "A precious jade musical instrument sounds out the heart, the young lady of warbler's warbler is a bosom friend, the high mountains and great rivers suit well in millennium, in charge of fetching the gentle monarch and picking up the ears to hear " . In addition, compromise in two of Ma Zhi far " Ren FengZi ", has left " bosom friends of high mountains and great rivers let ", ancient wood dark green smoke enters drawing " Well-known phrase. E and little phoenix legend story of celestial being Cai in film " bosom friend ",
Than " bosom friend " The friend of a high level is " Intimate" . MengLong Feng " coherent speech " so-called Volume 2 " draw dragon, draw tiger, difficult to paint the bone alert generation, know people, know the surface, not intimate " ,I.e. the explanation of the image " Intimate" Its difficulty is asked. Not merely " intimate " It is difficult to ask, and to " intimate " A word, even all over checking the dictionary, collect the famous name speech at all times and in all lands, it is very difficult to find who has given it the next one's precise definition. But I think, people usually said " between hearts the one minute thread from root to tip of the magic horn " ,Perhaps this can be regarded as correctly to a certain extent " Intimate" A kind of simplest generalization of intension. So-called " magic horn that there are the hearts " ,Tao Yuanming cloud in " model one's literary or artistic style on that of the ancients 9 ": "it go out ten thousand li guest,of dish Feng JiaYou,it it speaks that heart is getting more drunk, collect by glasses of wine " . In addition, for instance, Han Yu speaks in " the stone of the Room of one degree of palms secretary of the section of three states of Xu SiHao is written ": " whether getting luxuriant its looks chapter, getting bright its looks brightness, will with but angry to equal to " . But I think, as " intimate " Proper footnote most, would be better Mao Xu mediocre in their <<do odds and ends collection. Said in friendship and justice>>: It is sent in two bodies by the same soul. This metaphor, the friend that the simple and clear annotation explanatory note treats people sincerely is in spiritual and identical and blending.
Than " intimate " The one one layer higher is " The bosom friend " . Stop this type friend not merely on " The bosom friend " , " intimate" ,And can accomplish rich or poor and interdependently, life and death is accompanied. Sincere like <<the Later Han the book. The bright red is spread solemnly>> cloud:
The friend not only has difference of the level, but also it need particularly to be prudent to make friends. Lu Germany won and said in its " child's language " in the Ming Dynasty: " take into a good person, must seek the good friend " . In <<Analects of Confucius. Season>> record that there is such passage that Confucius speaks: "Three friends of benefit person, the persons who decrease are three friends. Friend frank, friend I expect ( honestly) , the friend smell more, benefit; The friend opens up (curry favour flattery) , friendly gentle (flatter face to face) , the friend is given to flattery (sweet words) ,Decrease. " Therefore, it is great to make friends with the relation between gain and loss of life. So island Jia have cloud " give the east return under the Xiucai Shen ", in their: " the gentleman avoids having a illicit sexual relations, choose friends and ask the teacher " . Famous educationist Zhang Bpling has said too: " get along with the philanthropist, can yet be regarded as the gentleman, get along with the evil person, flow and enter Yu Xiao people " . In China being folk to spread " occupy, must select neighbor, must select friends to pay " for a long time too With " can't associate with bad person alone " Statement.
It is the indispensable important component in a experience of life to make friends. As the it channel of making friends, lie in clearing up the purpose of the persons who make friends at first. <<the Warring States scheme. Mention of one clear scheme>>: "With the person who pays wealth, the wealth is handed in definitely to the limit; With the person who hands in color, China (spend) Fall and love Chongqing (change) " . Another in Sui Chao Wang Tong <<gentle neutron. The gift is happy>> hit and mention too: "With the person who hands in tendency, the tendency inclines uniquly; In order to the persons who pay, the profit breaks up poorly " . In addition, such as <<Historical Records. Shi Zheng house praise>>, hit and mention too: " with the person who shuts right, and hands in dredging to the limit in right " . Cherish bad friend-making of purpose, pieces of Xuan say in " reply Liu wash Qian's book " just as Ming Dynasty: " shut darkly today, the beast will break up tomorrow " . So " hand in snobbishly, the ancient is shy, it " (language publishes Liu YiQing and " speaks the new language generation ") .
Secondly, it channel of making friends still serious among friend with sincere each other. Hero Yang Han Dynasty until <<law speech. Study the conduct>> hit and point out: "Friend without heart, pieces of friend even; Friend without heart, friend even " . Translate this words into modern Chinese, say: If not crossing from heart between the friends, then can only be regarded as " friend " on the surface . The friend say take the place of Fu profound in their " whether what will do ", just as the Jin Dynasty: "Shut outside from in,although it is the after all firm must have left. " Speak in present words, that this kind is not from the deep of the heart, but the friend that combined together from surface alone, though seem very firm, must separate finally.
Secondly, the still expensive heavy feeling each other among friend of it channel of making friends. The most important tie between the friends is an emotion. And the test that the economic social status that the feeling of this kind of friend must be stood time and people changes. Shen Congwen was while giving lectures in U.S.A. in 1980, in old friend, former Professor of Columbia University Chinese Language Department mention they and friendship among the unfortunate early Xu Zhimo who died really, border Wang in 50 year such as he, have said with deep feeling: "will die out life of people suddenly, but it is the getting long-term and firm more forever in unselfish friendship sincere purely in " . Si Maqian is here <<Historical Records. Draw biography Zheng praise>>, hit and once mention: "Die all one's life, bosom friend feeling. Rich, it is bosom friend's attitude. Lowpriced, the friendship is seeing (now) " .
In addition, what the it channel of making friends needs understanding between the friends is tolerant each other. Just as Han Yu said in " destroying originally ": There should be " its responsibility own and heavy with week too, it treats people light in order to invite too " Mind. That is to say, should be strict and overall to one's own requirement, the requirements for friend should be generous and simple. Get along with friend, have level, having " gentlemanning virtuous and can hold " foolish intelligently (" tired " transliteration ,I.e. weak and weary incapability) ,Know (i.e." intelligently " )Can let foolish, rich can let lighting, pure (essence) Ideological level that and can hold and mix ". Between the friend, should " write people kind, forget the passing of people " ; " remember people's head and forget people are short " .
The it channel of making friends still needs to pay attention to, can't things have changed with the lapse of time, abandon the old for the new. Treat the friend, can't treat a garment alikely, needle through when being glad, take off when being unhappy, it of abandoning it is on one side. <<Yan Zi spring and autumn. Interior page mix, pay 5>>, cloud: "clothing if the new,people if so " . I once proposed one extempore while following the friend to chat about and discuss at leisure " four was handed in, four was not forgotten " Friend-making principle,i.e.: "Make the new friend, does not forget the old friend; Friend of Shanghai Communications University, does not forget children; Make the rich friend, does not forget the poor friend; Have made the girlfriend, do not forget the boyfriend " .
People live in this world, impossible alone only shadow, shut off oneself from society, and must have dealings with people, always make friends, always want to look for and have a heart-to-heart talk with its person confiding it, can hope someone with their sharing happiness and share the agony always. But just as being own so the famous Beijing opera art performer covers and lets it spoken: " great teacher's difficulty is asked, it is met with that it is difficult for the good friend " . Of chapter 57 of " Dream of the Red Chamber ", " ten thousand two gold is easy, it is asked that an intimate one is even difficult " that have Sigh with regret. It seems, the it channel of making friends is absolutely not I " pediatrics " Article can have spoken must clean the street Ming. Since it is so, then I should stop the pen at this point too.
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